Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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