What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
