Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
