I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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