I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
