You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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