I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
