Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
