I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize