i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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