Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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