Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize