Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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