everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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