Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
