my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Houston, we have a blender
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
