can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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