You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
