Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
