her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
