someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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