When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
