We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
