I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
