i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
