Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
