I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just puked most of my soul out..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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