Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
