I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize