Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
