I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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