I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
