It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
