just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
