we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
