I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This baby is an asshole
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
