Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just sucked dick on a ferry
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
