just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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