Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
