Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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