i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize