we have officially lost it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
