look no pants
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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