dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
