New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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