if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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