R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
