Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
