are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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