In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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