Your face is a jimmy john
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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