She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
