the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
