I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sex in a hospital.. check
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
