Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
