hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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