So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
