Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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