put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
