My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
