I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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