I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
