U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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