That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
not ubering you a puppy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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