I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
