It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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