so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
