I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
