Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
