Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize