I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
