I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
