so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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